


Not so bad

by Vault_Emblem



Series: Sentence prompts [23]
Category: Berserk (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Character Study, Developing Friendships, Gen, Golden Age (Berserk), Minor Character Death, Spoilers for Golden Age ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:22:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22618552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vault_Emblem/pseuds/Vault_Emblem
Summary: Guts and his developing relationship with the Band of the Hawk during the years.
Relationships: Casca & Guts (Berserk), Griffith & Guts (Berserk), Guts & Band of the Hawk, Guts & Corkus, Guts & Judeau, Guts & Pipin, Guts & Rickert
Series: Sentence prompts [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/393613
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Not so bad

**Author's Note:**

> My friend requested a fic with the phrase "it wasn't so bad" in it, so I've decided to write a character study for Guts.
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr [@bi-naesala](https://bi-naesala.tumblr.com) and on twitter [@vault_emblem](https://twitter.com/vault_emblem)

The first days of being in the Band of the Hawk are _hard_ for Guts.

First of all, must these people really be so handsy? And besides, he can sense that some of them still don’t trust him, so why even bother getting so close to him? Is it to spy on him better? After all there is a say that’s something like “keep your friends close, but your enemies closer”, or so he believes.

Second, must they be so… so… Guts doesn’t even know how to describe it. He’s a stranger in a foreign soil, and the isolation is palpable even if some of them tried to get closer to him already.

The worst thing is that he hadn’t minded their company, and that’s what stings more: no good ever comes from being close to people. He should be stronger than this.

To think about how easily he got beaten… Damn it.

And yet, despite everything, Guts finds himself drawn to all this, like a moth to a light. Will he get burned as well if he gets too close? He doesn’t know, but he doesn’t even know if he wants to find out.

That’s easier to say however, as everyone seems to not want to leave him alone. His solitary training sessions aren’t that solitary anymore, he can’t drink in peace and even as everyone else is asleep, there will always be people still awake ready to bother him.

Yet, he did learn a thing or two by sparring with Pipin.

Yet, he finds himself having way more fun when the people around him, already wasted, begin to sing their dumb songs. It makes him want to smile.

Yet, he’s found comfort in his late night conversations with Judeau. He always brings up weird topics, things Guts would never think about on his own, but they’re excellent to break the monotony.

Even bickering with Casca becomes soon routine. Ironically, Guts gets used to this sooner than the other things: this feels more familiar to him.

Still, there are some differences here too: even if he gets angry – and he _does_ – and no matter what she says, not even for a moment the thought that they’ll have to resolve to their weapons ever crosses his mind. It’s like an unspoken agreement that, no matter how much they dislike each other, they won’t disrupt the band’s inner peace for this.

He doesn’t even hate her that much; actually, he respects her: she is a hard worker and she’s a great fighter too.

If only she wasn’t constantly on his case…

And then there’s _him_ , the reason behind his stay in the first place.

Griffith is certainly a hard guy to grasp. He looks so young and carefree, but it takes a moment for him to become cold and calculating. Guts really doesn’t know what to think about him.

He doesn’t necessarily appreciate how familiar he gets with him, as if they’ve known each other for all their lives and not just a couple of days, but he also finds himself not minding it that much. He doesn’t know whether this is normal or not, as he always tried to keep his distance, but maybe… he could at least grow accustomed to this.

Yes, he could very well, but the true question is: does he want to?

He doesn’t know how to respond.

In the meantime he’s going to stay, he tells himself, but only for a short while.

A year passes and Guts doesn’t even realize it. Has it been so much time already?

Time sure flies, and for once, Guts is only filled with positive memories. Even when Corkus is his usual self, he doesn’t really mind it – it’s almost endearing how hard he tries – and well… Guts might’ve gotten a little bit attached to all the people that surround him.

Now he feels completely part of the Band, and he even got an entire squad of people to command!

People have even started looking up to him, something that has never happened, but Guts doesn’t feel awkward about it, at least not entirely; it almost feels like an honor, somehow.

He still finds all the noise unbearable sometimes, but as he’s found out, Pipin is where to go when such occurrences happen.

Guts can’t help but to find his quiet presence reassuring, and he’s also great at casting large shadows when the sun is too high, which may not seem much but during summer is essential, life-saving even. He’s lost count of how many times he tried to get shelter, only to find Judeau or Rickert already there; they’d settle with sharing the shadows, after all Guts may be a big man, but Pipin is even bigger.

It’s… nice.

Yes, despite everything this is very nice.

Guts almost feels lighter, and not because they’ve stopped fighting; it’s quite the opposite, actually. But there’s something different between fighting for himself and fighting with others; not that Guts is any less reckless, but he isn’t alone anymore: he has people to look out for, and people who look out for him – even though _he doesn’t need it_.

This must be what it feels like to have a sense of belonging, he guesses, and maybe even of purpose.

Not that he feels like such a morally upstanding guy now, let’s be clear, but at least it’s easier to fight when he’s not on his own: he can count on his comrades to cover him when he charges into enemy forces.

He doesn’t even feel the urge to leave as soon as he can.

He may stay for longer after all.

Another year passes, and then another again.

The Band of the Hawk is a force to be reckoned with, and if things go according to Griffith’s plan, they may even get the recognition they deserve by the king himself.

If someone had told Guts when he first joined this band of mercenaries that this was going to be his fate, he wouldn’t have believed them. It seems so farfetched, but it’s all happening in front of his eyes.

Things are going great, and for once Guts feels happy. He belongs here, with all these people.

\- You’re still here -.

Guts can’t help but to jump slightly, hand already on his sword, but he soon realizes who was the one talking. He relaxes then, hand not on the handle anymore and he turns towards Griffith, who’s advancing towards him.

\- Yes -.

He doesn’t say anything when he sits beside him, much closer than anyone should be allowed, but it doesn’t bother him anymore – it hasn’t for a long while.

\- Is there something wrong? -, Griffith asks, and Guts shakes his head.

\- No, nothing’s wrong. I was just… thinking -.

\- Thinking? -.

He turns towards Griffith. Oh no, he has _that_ smile on his face.

\- Since when do you think? -.

Guts doesn’t even bother replying. He just shoves his with his shoulder, sending Griffith to the other side as the other begins to laugh, but soon he joins him as well.

They soon calm down, and spend the next few minutes in silence, enjoying each other’s company.

\- What were you thinking about? -.

Guts turns towards Griffith again, but he’s just looking in front of him. He can sense however that he’s only pretending not to be curious.

He sighs. Ok, he’ll give in, even at the cost of – maybe – getting sappy.

\- This -, is all he says, but Griffith nods as if he understood him perfectly.

\- Feels like a dream, doesn’t it? -.

\- That it does -, is Guts’ reply.

\- Soon things will get even better, you’ll see -, Griffith says, and now he turns to Guts, and this may be the most genuine smile he’s ever seen, - Soon my dreams will be realized -.

Guts believes him.

His eyes snap open and Guts jolts awake.

He frantically looks around, breath heavy and hand that is already reaching for his sword, but then he notices where he is.

_Ah._

It’s then that he notices that his body is all cranky; the mattress is so hard that he slept very badly – he must’ve been for having dreams about _them_.

What a shitty tavern they’ve stayed in, but after all it’s not like they can afford much. In the end it’s better this way.

He looks around again and he notices that he’s alone. The others must be having breakfast downstairs.

_Others. Companions._

Guts really didn’t think he’d find somebody else to travel with again. It feels weird, but not in a bad way, just like it felt with the Band of the Hawk.

He sighs, shaking his head.

Despite everything, despite the pain and sufferance he had and still has to endure, he can’t help but to smile, thinking about his previous comrades.

He has no idea about how he managed to get involved into this, if it was fate’s will, a coincidence or something else, but what he can say for sure is that, in the end, it wasn’t so bad.


End file.
